He broke her.

He broke her. Destroyed her. Shattered her dreams and her soul felt incomplete. And the worst of all, she still loved him. And she knew she always would. Afflictive how her saviour turned out to be the poison for her spirit.        To her, he had always been the light to her dark world, and yet here she was……sitting on her bathroom floor with a blade in her hand, debating her own worth. For once, when he was there, she had felt beautiful like she was worth something. She knew love hurts. And she always feared he would end up leaving her just like everyone else had, and yet she had taken a leap of faith with him. Trusted him with a hope in her fragile heart that he would be the one to heal her scarred soul. 

          It was hard for her to hold on to a life she despised, knowing she was and always will be alone. Suffering emotional distress every waking moment and hating on her own self and left her weak and with an enervated will. No, she wasn’t one of those gals who self harmed for a boy, she hated those. Rather she was one of those who had held her heart out one too many times and now she was left with hurt broken pieces. 

         With no one to call her own, not even herself…….she was tired. Just so tired. And she just wanted to sleep and not wake up to pain and suffering again. She had shown him her scars and he had made promises of love and healing and then suddenly, left her all alone to fight her inner demons once again. He was her strength in the dark and he had now abandoned her. 

        So now the question was, how to fight? WHY to fight? Wouldn’t it be just blissful to just…..let go?

 

Why

Everything seems so messed up. It’s like a volcano inside me, just waiting to erupt and destroy anything and everything in my way. A volcano of betrayal, lost hope, heartbreak and destroyed friendships. Just when everything seems alright, something happens and that happiness is stolen from me leaving me cold and helpless without it as if the happiness never existed and was just an illusion. But then again, love and friendship forever are just an illusion. They don’t last. They are just an illusion that the mind creates to please the heart and give false comfort.
       Love. Four alphabets that can make a person reach to limits and beyond. Being in love is truly a feeling that cannot be replaced. You lose your rational thinking and blindly trust someone that you know has the power to destroy you. You gladly take the risks of heartbreak just for those moments of happiness that you recieve when you are with the one you love.
     But then again, those little moments of happiness definitely make it worth the pain of heartbreak. Because that happiness has no competition. Those moments spent with your lover are irreplaceable and the most important and cherished.
     Now that I finally understand what heartbreak is, I also understand the importance of falling for someone. It is totally worth it, the pain against the love.
        The hardest part though? Moving on. I wish there were a guide on how to move on because no matter how hard I try, I just cannot move on. Sure the attraction has dimmed but the love and care is still there. 
      So, here I am asking. Why? Why did I have to fall in love? Why did he break my heart?  Why can’t I move on? Why?

 

Wasn’t my love enough…?

       I was always there for you. Yet it wasn’t enough. I always cared for you. Yet it wasn’t enough. I always supported you. Yet it wasn’t enough. I gave you my heart, my love. I loved you completely, unconventionally. Yet it wasn’t enough.
       What more do you need? What else do you want? Why can’t you realise that I am the one for you? That when no one else will stay on your side, I will. When no one else is left for you to rely on, I will always be there.
     I love you as my bestfriend, my love, my ‘alma gamela’. I am in love with you…and even though it ain’t enough for you, I’ll never stop loving you…♥♥♥

(Dedicated to Jack)

 

True love or an act?

      

       Either you must actually love me or you are a great actor!
       How do you know the difference between real feelings or faking it? How do you know that the guy claiming to love you actually loves you or it’s all fake?
      I don’t know the answer to these questions. All I know is that I love him. And there is nothing I can do about it.
     I hate it that I love him. I don’t want to love him. But I do. And that just sucks.
      What if…this what if always remains in our head. What if he doesn’t love me? What if I am not good enough for him? What if he finds someone better? What if?! ♡♡♡

(  P.S.   I hate that I love you, Jack.)

 

Love: hurts?

       Love doesn’t hurt. Loving the wrong person does.
       Loving someone who doesn’t love you is like hugging a cactus. The more you hold on, the more it hurts. When your heart is hurting, you know you are in love. Though it is called heartbreak, it feels like every part of the body is hurting. It hurts to even breathe.
      Having a broken heart is like having broken ribs. You cannot see it, just feel the pain. It hurts the most to love someone so much just for them to rip your heart in pieces and yet you keep loving them with every piece.
       The more you hurt because of someone, shows just how much you love them…how much you care…and how much you will keep loving and caring…♡♡♡

 

Get your priorities straight, mate.

        

Every girl needs a man with real intentions, not a boy who can’t pay attention.

          You say you love me. You say you care about me. You say you never wanted to hurt me. Yeah, well, I don’t believe you.
          How is it that men can all pretend that they really love you so easily? How is it they we girls believe them and fall for them only to have our hearts broken? These are the questions I’ve have never had answers to.
           It’s almost funny how someone claims to love you and doesn’t even consider you important in their life. To them, you’re just some other person they are reminded of when they need help or a favor.
           Whats worse is that even though we hurt because of not being treated important, we bear it. Al just because we love that person too much.
          They are our priority and yet we mean nothing to them…♡♡♡

          

 

Feeling worthless…

      There are many times everyday that I feel worthless. Everyone does at some point. It may be because things have being going wrong since morning…or maybe you had a fight with a loved one and haven’t resolved it yet…maybe you missed out on an opportunity…maybe a date went wrong….anything…
     You just feel alone and unworthy of happiness and love. But please, don’t let those negative emotions get the best of you. So what if things are going down the hill? Today is just another day. Tomorrow will be better.
      Do this for yourself. Just think of it as just some other bad day. Ignore those negative emotions. They aren’t worth your sadness. The people who let you down aren’t worth your sadness. No one deserves to be sad.
         Be happy. Be yourself. No one can love you more than yourself. ♡♡♡

 

Been there. Done that.

Betrayed? Had your heart shattered by the one you love? Backstabbed by someone you considered your best friend?  Had your trust in people broken over and over again? Felt like just ending your suffering all at once? Feeling alone even when around friends?
……..yeah…I feel that too. Remember you’re not alone. That somewhere out there someone is suffering just as much as you are if not more…

    …..I have felt what you are feeling. Been there, done that.
    …..you need someone to talk to. I am here to listen♡♡♡